Life Is Difficult

“Life is difficult.”

That was the first line of a book that I had read years ago, a book still sitting on the shelves in my study, and one I had picked up recently to review again.

The second line reads, “This is a great truth…one of the greatest truths there is.”

I picked up the book two months after I had told myself I would flip through the highlighted pages again, and two months after having entered my last entry here on this blog.

The reason being, the last two months have been just that – difficult.

February began with my having to make a trip back home. It actually began as an unnecessary trip, being it was for coming out party for my niece. Not that I find my niece or family insignificant, it’s just that I find lavish, expensive unnecessary events of the sort, including weddings, well, unnecessary.

But a week before my reluctantly having to attend this event, my mom suffered a near life-threatening trip to the hospital, caused by her lack of attention to her diabetes. She is still reluctant to admit she is one, and has no idea on how to deal with it, even after my addressing it with her. But mom is bull-headed and strong (traits of hers I inherited), and to no one’s amazement, pulled through.

Then came March 3, with the kind of news that rocked the foundation of my somewhat charmed life and required me to utilize all my resources and any ounce of hope I had left in me to deal with it. But I did, and almost a month later, I have emerged stronger and the better, and more hopeful that I can make it through anything that life has to dish out.

So yes, life is difficult, but within us are the tools needed to take on any challenges. These tools are discipline to confront the issue, devotion to overcoming it, and hope for an encouraging outcome. There is much more in us, but these are the ones I had to clutch on to, to get through the last two months.

Many people, when faced with adversity, simply take it lying down or simply give up. I figured there is no glory in giving up and did the only thing I’ve done my entire life - roll with the punches.

And, so now it’s spring, a season representing growth; and well, that is what I plan for myself these next two months – personal growth.

Looking a Gift Toward the Horse’s Mouth

I’ve yet to learn to truly appreciate a gift for the meaning in which it is given.

It’s been almost a week since I received a gift – the latest Nano gadget out there. And, don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful gift, a thoughtful gift, and I'm sincerely thankful. But as usual, I am struggling with the issue of things I want (which this gift is) and the things I can do without.

You see, I hate to see loved ones spend so much on me. I’m one who doesn’t feel the need for them to do so. This is the reason it is difficult for me to enjoy such gift. I feel I should be the one obtaining such things on my own.

So, the unwrapped gift, along with the receipt and warranty have been sitting unopened for several days now - at least until my period of buyer’s remorse is over. (These periods have lasted more than a month the last three times I’ve bought a car) But, I guess, in a way I am making sure the presenter of this gift isn’t experiencing any regret.

I can only hope I get better at never looking beyond the sincere meaning of the gift.

Running on Empty

I’m always stretching my limits with an empty gas tank.

I recall the “low fuel” indicator coming on as I drove in to work that morning, and I was still about 15 miles from work.

I had full confidence I could make it to work with no problem at all, and then I would simply fill the tank up after work.

So, 15 min. before quitting time, I get an emergency call and in all the urgent communication, I simply lose track of the things before me that needed completion before heading home. One of those things, of course, was getting gas before getting on the freeway.

I don’t know whether the indicator light had come on before my noticing it ten miles into my drive home, and even if it had, my thoughts were fogged with a very pressing matter. Now, I could have turned off the freeway from the many exits available to me, but I’m the type of person who, when unfamiliar with an area, will end up driving 30 miles on an empty gas tank looking for a gas station.

So, I pressed my luck continuing on the freeway and surprisingly, made it home, 30 miles on my reserve tank. Now I don’t want anyone to think that this is common practice for me, although, I have tested the highway gods with my near empty approach into gas stations on more than one occasion.

And in a way, I’ve done the same thing at various times of my life with certain aspects of my life. I’ve taken some risks, tested the limits, exhausted my luck, and have coasted, in most cases, unscathed.

I don’t boast about having taken such risks. I only bring them up to remind myself how available fortune has made itself when I felt I had nothing left in me.

It Was the Best of Times; It Was the Worst of Times

That seems to sum up the pattern of my life.

Some years have been exceptionally good producing great results in just about everything, and others have been somewhat tumultuous years filled with difficult obstacles and not so fruitful outcomes.

Like most, I wish I could simply account for the good years of my life and leave the rest behind, but when I reflect on my life as a whole, the bad years, while not producing what I consider great results, allowed me to discover great things within myself that would not otherwise have been discovered.

Neither the good years filled with prosperity, nor the bad years filled with difficulty were planned. In fact, I’ve learned that all the planning we do cannot always prepare us for the unexpected fortune or setbacks that can sometimes fall upon us.

But what I have held on to is one simple truth – that regardless of what life, fate or higher will throws our way, we are given the opportunity to choose use the good fortune that comes our way, accept the setbacks life has to offer and proceed as best we know, or just simply give up in defeat.

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t accept set backs very well, but the flip side to that would be to accept defeat, and well, I’d rather bet that my fortune will change if I just keep trying to make the best of what life has to offer.

An Almost Effortless Attempt at Everything

It’s getting more difficult these days to motivate myself to do the things I enjoy doing.

What use to come so naturally and what I used to get done with what seemed to be very little effort are now some of those things I have to actively make time for in my life.

Workouts use to be just a natural part of my day. Now, I try everything I can to avoid them. But to some extent, I guess they still remain second nature, because even in the days when I hit a wall of exhaustion, I manage to muster up enough energy to get one in.

Getting up in the mornings these days is not what it used to be – an automatic wake up call without a second’s hesitation to get out of bed. And, while I’ve never used an alarm clock to wake up at a designated time, these days, my body seems to wake up every hour of the night to make sure I haven’t overslept. And while I still get up with very little hesitation, I do give myself a minute or so to determine if sleeping in 15 minutes more will do any harm to my schedule. Determining this is more effort than I’d like to put in so early in the morning, so I decide getting up is the easiest way to go.

Even walking the dogs lately just seems to take so much effort. I realize there are many dog owners out there who don’t even walk their dogs, and it would be so easy for me to fall into that group, but walking the dogs is like my workouts -- as much energy and time out of my day it takes, I end up feeling so much better about myself by simply doing it.

So, yes, these days everything seems to take a lot more effort and use up a lot of my time, but I figure I’ve already set the momentum in which I’ll be moving for quite some time, with much effort and with very little rest in sight.

Few and Far Between, But Geniune

There are very few people I honestly let into my life.

I’ve heard it said, “no one can never have too many friends.” But I tend to believe the opposite.

I do understand you can have many associates, but friends – the kind you get to know intimately, and who understand your aspirations and daily obstacles and accomplishments - well for me, those are few and far between.

True friendships are a lot of work. And that’s not to say they don’t happen naturally and just fall into place. But after they have, they require the care, time and consideration and anything we truly appreciate does.

So, I know in my case, I tend to keep a barrier at times on the number of people I allow into my life and the times that I allow them in. Now, one would think that this would have prevented me from having some valuable relationships and friendships, but I honestly believe I have had a great share of those, and at a level that has been very suitable for me.

In fact, many of my friends have snuck past my barrier in their own inconspicuous way, with my having no awareness and definitely no intentions of pursuing such a relationship, but they have become what they are – strong allies, pleasant company and true friends.

So while I may not call everyone my friend, I do have a wonderful circle of them that I guard closely and hold dearly.

A Brush with Death, A Stroke of Luck

I’ve had so many brushes with death.

While I may not be a religious man, I must admit I do believe in miracles, only because my still being alive is living proof of that.

I know we are all amazed that we survived our childhood years, especially those of us, who grew up in large families, had bigger brothers, and those of us who just took every chance there was in life just to earn our place in the ranking order of life.

Even as a Boy Scout, I was always the one everyone else knew would be the one to pull the bravest of stunts just to prove that I could. Well, I did become an Eagle Scout for all it was worth, but when I stop and think about some of the things we did, well, we were just stupid.

And then I have to account for my own dumb actions, even as an adult. Death, literally, has knocked on my door, and has tried to push his way in. I think about the car accidents, the fall off the ladder, the reckless parties, and then the going into places I shouldn’t have been in.

Well, you get somewhat of an idea, that I tread where trouble breeds. Now this isn’t to boast about my actions, or promote such activities. I wish I had been smarter right from the get go. And, I would say I wish I could take all my mistakes back and never repeat them, but I’ve learned from my mistakes and I hope to be a smarter man from what I’ve learned.

But I know for a fact, that a cat is not the only creature with more than one life. I know this, because I am certain I’ve exhausted all mine by now.